The last 72 hours have been quite a journey for me.. to a place called SURRENDER...
You see that is a hard place for me to go.. Because I never truly have.. because I have ALWAYS had to provide for myself.. Always be the full time care taker.. Always be strong.. be the go getter..
I honestly cannot tell you how many times I have heard.. and how many times I am sick of hearing.. " Wow Melissa .. You are soo strong.. I dont know how you do it all... "
Honestly.. I DONT WANT TO.. I DONT WANT TO BE STRONG ... but I HAVE TO BE STRONG... it's not that I don't like being strong... it's just that I really don't have a choice in the matter... I have a family that relies on me.. I have bills that don't stop coming in.. even though not much income does at the moment..
dishes still need to get washed.. laundry still needs to be washed.. folded and put away.. the house needs to be cleaned.. EVERYDAY... the lil ones need bath times.. spills need to be cleaned up.. and it just seems like I cant do it all AND try to make and run a successful business.
Friday I was lucky enough to be home and tune in to Creative Live webinar with Jasmine Star... she is only the most amazzzing Wedding Photographer in the industry.. and she was sharing her knowledge on the business aspects of wedding photography and actually running THE BUSINESS... I watched for all day long.. I was encouraged.. I was discouraged.. I was inspired.. I was scared and doubtful of how I could actually do this.. thinking most of my peers have spouses, have additional incomes and support in the house... and here I am drowning in laundry and dishes.. and lets be honest.. a time consuming and inefficient post production structure. After watching Jasmine Friday night.. I was also lucky enough to catch the Oprah Winfrey's edition of Master'c Class.. it was one of the epiphanal moments for me.. I wont ever forget it.. She was talking about how much she wanted the role as Sophia in "The Color Purple" ... which just so happens to be only one of my top 5 movies ever.. and She was saying how she had begged.. and pleaded..wanted and needed.. desired.. and cried.. bargained and given so much of herself into the passion of wanting this sooo bad.. I KNEW WHAT SHE WAS FEELING.. Right then at that moment.. Oprah and I shared a moment.. that maybe she will never know.. But she spoke into my soul.. Just as Jasmine did all day long.. as Oprah looked into the camera.. she might as well been looking at me right into my eyes.. and then she said.. " and Finally .. when i couldnt cry anymore I just raised my hands to the Lord and said... Lord I give this to you.. I Surrender ALL" and then she began to sing.. as the hot salty tears streamed down my face and Oprah and I sang together.. " I surrender all... all to Thee my Blessed Savior... i surrender all... " I was so grateful for that moment..
and as I returned to my desk .. the VERY FIRST status on my newsfeed was a young lady from my church.. who had put in her status.. " I surrender all... All to Thee my blessed Savior.. I Surrender all.."
I LIE NOT... I couldn't make that up if I tried!
Saturday was as equally emotional with Jasmine on the second day of the course.. and this morning at Church.. I cried my eyes out.. there was an amazzzzing singing group there from Lee University.. and they were unbelievable.. they sang several songs.. and one of the young ladies talked about how insignificant she felt and how could God love us when we are so small and really insignificant in the whole complexity of the world.. But HE LOVES US!" once again she spoke right into my soul... and then the director of the group shared a story of how they were able to encourage Dr. James Dobson , the founder of Focus on the Family, in his office one day.. when they sang "Great is Thy faithfulness" his favorite song.. and he said i hope we were able to encourage some of you today.. and then our Pastor said He would like to pray for those who needed that encouragement from the Lord.. and I went forward for prayer.. weeping away... and just as the Choir group was singing and I was praying and crying.. they began to sing... " I Surrender all.... I surrender all... All to thee My blessed Savior.... I surrender all...."
I couldnt believe it.. I was blessed beyond measure.. because I KNOW MY FATHER was whispering in my ear all weekend long.. to TRUST HIM ... to GIVE IT ALL TO HIM... TO LAY IT AT HIS FEET AND WALK AWAY... Cause HE CAN deal with my struggles... my pains.. my hurts.. my wants.. my desires.. my frustrations.. and the cries of my heart... better than I can....
He calls us to a place called Surrender.. to see if we can TRULY TRUST HIM with the things we want and desire the most.. so HE can put the increase and abundance to it.. and supply us with MORE than we could ever imagine for ourselves!!!!
I am so thankful for the little ways HE shows me how much He loves me!!!!!
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